I’m a mom. A mother. Of a child. A real child. It’s still mind blowing, 4 weeks in. Every day I remember that baby E is mine. Ours. I’m not sure when it will stop feeling surreal.
The first month of being a mom has been so many things. Inspiring, terrifying, overwhelming, exciting, and too many other “ing” adjectives to list.
It has been amazing to walk with Jackson as we begin to try and navigate this whole parenting thing. I have loved watching him step into his role as a father. What a lucky little girl to get to call him daddy. The last month my love and appreciation for him has expanded and grown in so many ways.
Not that we haven’t had our moments, because oh man have we had some of those. From whisper yelling at 3 am while trying to swaddle a kicking baby (we quickly said “screw this” and got Velcro swaddles because the old school swaddling was not good for our marriage) to the time Jackson was yelling at (yes, at) our mattress in a half-awake stupor for creaking to loudly and waking up the baby. We’ve had so many “moments” (usually around 3 in the morning) and there have been some genuinely tough conversations as we try to figure out how to care for each other and baby E well through sleepless nights and colic-y days.
Let’s talk about the first time E started peeing while Jackson changed her diaper. He just stood there, in awe watching while I yelled at him to go get a towel. He looked at me so genuinely and said, “Oh my gosh, it’s like a little fountain!! I didn’t even know girls could do that!”. We both lost it. Jackson is now a diaper changing pro, however, and has even coined the nickname “diaper dad”. Isn’t he lucky?
Or how about when E cried and tears came out for the first time. If you didn’t already know, babies don’t have tears at first. They just have sad little tearless cries. Well, the first time I looked down and saw tears fall I LOST it. Something about seeing tears made her cry even more sad than it already is and I could not handle it. Jackson looked at me so confused and asked, “wait, why are YOU crying?” and all I could say was, “because she has real tears and it’s so sad”. He tried his best to give me an “I love you and I swear I don’t think you’re crazy” look, God love him for trying, and left to change her diaper.
Overall, this month has been incredible. I could have never imagined that becoming a mom would feel so right. So natural. I was so anxious before with so many questions. Would I know how to get her to stop crying? Would I wake up at night when she’s upset? Would breastfeeding go ok (still working on this one, RIP to my old nipples)? Turns out, it’s just like it all clicked. I mean, don’t get me wrong I have SO much to learn and surely SO many mistakes ahead, but the whole being a mom thing feels so great and right that (most) of my fears about figuring it out have subsided. I’m sure each stage of motherhood will come with its own fears, questions and worries but for now I’m just soaking up this season with our new baby girl.